Fear gets in the way of trust. We fear getting hurt. We fear being disappointed. We fear not being in control.
When I recognize that I am ‘fearing’ something I try my best to squelch the fear by reminding myself that fear is not of God. If I were to allow fear to get in the way of every opportunity, friendship, and relationship I’ve had up to this point then I’d be one very lonely, friendless, and boring woman.
God called me into ministry literally the moment I released all of my fear and gave Him all control. When He called me into youth ministry I was not qualified but I trusted and He gave me what I needed. Then He introduced the opportunity to speak about my story. I rejected it at first, afraid of being vulnerable and afraid of failure but the desire to help others pushed me forward. I remember telling myself, ‘What’s the worst that could happen? If they all fall asleep, so be it. Move on. You tried.’ I trusted and He revealed a gift inside of me that I never knew had been laying dormant because of my insecurity and lack of trust. Finally it was time to be called to write my story in its complete form. No hiding behind fiction. Tell the world the truth, the truth about how the spiritual world coincides with us in all that we do. I could no longer hide behind fear of what others would think. I trusted if God had led me to this that He would lead me through it.
Now I have been given this great opportunity to be represented by B&B Media (a literary agency and publicist). They have been in the business for many years representing such ministers and ministries as Chuck Swindoll, the Maker’s Ministry (The Maker’s Diet by Jordan Rubin and are still his publicist/agent), Heroic Choices with Lisa Beamer, Face the Fire Ministry with Lt. Col. Birdwell (survivor of Pentagon attack 9/11), and Making it Happen the Tuohy Foundation (later the book became the movie The Blind Side) and many more!
I’ve desired to have EXPOSED published by a traditional larger publisher in order to get the message out to a greater audience and in the same process get the word out about the ministry of the Maria Goretti Network for survivors of abuse. It is no secret that I love to write and have a great desire to continue writing more books both non-fiction and I have a few fiction under my belt that I would love to get published. For this opportunity to come my way is amazing. To be accepted by such a reputable agency is exciting.
However, there is always a ‘kick’. In order for EXPOSED or even ME to get anywhere I need to have a larger platform (ie: to be more ‘well known’ in the public eye). To get a larger platform I need to actually be in the public eye. Which is great being that this is exactly what B&B Media does. However, there is a cost.
This is where fear comes in and I get stuck.
The cost is more than what Neal and I can manage at this time. So, at first, when I found out I took it to bended knee. The messages of TRUST rolled in like a tidal wave. Yet the fear is overpowering. This is a great lesson in discernment because I don’t want to go down the wrong path.
I don’t want to push something that isn’t the right time. This is a desire of my heart so I don’t trust MYSELF in making the decision because I feel I’ll do it simply because I’ve waited so long for an opportunity like this and I don’t want it to slip away. I ask myself, ‘Is this black and white? Is it my answer to say no because I simply don’t have the funds to begin the process?’
Over the weekend I updated some close friends and family about the latest on this opportunity and what it entails and I asked for prayer. An immediate response came from the angel that set me up with the opportunity in the beginning. This angel suggested I set up this ministry as a true foundation or business and allow others to contribute and give them the opportunity to stand behind something they believe in.
Granted, I get this concept. I stand behind the Maria Goretti Network because I believe in its purpose and I’ve first hand experienced the healing this organization brings. But to ask people to stand behind ME?
It’s a scary concept. It’s out of my comfort zone. It causes pride to rear its ugly head. If you are a survivor of anything then you understand how hard it is to ask for help. Control becomes our new middle name.
And now the fear is not that I will be disappointed or let down. It’s that if I ask for contributions to help get this ministry going (I’m presuming Healing Hearts would be the name…I do have the logo that needs to be put to use. 🙂 )… I fear in being the one that disappoints or that lets down.
AT this point I’m going to say that there will have to be a TRUST Part 3…probably down the road. I’m still in discernment. This is God working on me to believe in the call He has given me. To TRUST in the messages that I’m receiving on which way to go and to either recognize that He is saying ‘Give it time…put it off till the money comes to you and you can do it on your own.’ OR if He places it heavily on my spirit to take a leap of faith and go forward on a new path forming this ministry and trusting that I have what it takes to deliver His message of survival through His love, strength, forgiveness, mercy and grace.
Please pray for me as I go forward in discernment.
Blessings
Shannon